It was 5 am in the morning. Here I was having my alone time with my Lord and saviour. The desire of my heart that Thursday morning in 2012 was to be used by God. I made my request as usual and believe me it came from the heart.
‘Lord, I want you to break me, mould me, and use me for your glory. For you are the potter and I am the clay. Use me as you please. My desire is to serve you by serving your people’ I prayed.
It was the cry of my heart. I wanted to see chains broken, I wanted to spread the word of truth so that people will be set free. I wanted to share my experience and the wonders of God in my life so that someone may believe, have faith and walk in authority.
As I knelt on the floor of my war room that early morning, I began to worship the Lord, within Moments, I felt as if God himself was standing in my the room. The was a stillness in the atmosphere I had felt several times before. I could feel that God was beside me and I knew I would have yet another encounter with my saviour. Little did I know how different this time will be.
Then He began to speak to my heart. He said, ‘Child, I can see your heart, I know your desires and I love it but first, I must mould you, I must break you, I must shake that foundation of anger, I must deal with you first, then I will anoint you and give you the mandate to serve my people.
I was perplexed. I said ‘Lord, but my heart’s desire is according to your word. It is actually a good thing, isn’t it? Why can’t you use me right away? And the Lord said ‘I care about your Soul more than I care about your Service to me. We must first make sure that my ‘temple’, your body is holy and ready for every good work so that I, your God will be operating from within you by through the spirit and not you operating by yourself from the flesh.
The Lord went ahead to say ‘Look at the way you treat your husband, your minimise him, you shout at every little thing he does, you make him know that he is not good enough, that he cannot do right by you..’ but Lord, I said, I trusted him, loved him and what did he do?, he put our family in a lot of trouble and we are still suffering the consequences. How can I continue to trust him in these circumstances my Lord?
Then God said, ‘what matters to me right now, right here is not what he did, but how you respond even after he sincerely repented. I want you to let go and let me handle it. All things will work out if you would let go of the hurt. If you would let him gain your trust again as I enable him to do so by my spirit’.
At that moment, I was on my stomach on the floor, crying like I have never cried before because I know my Lord was right. I knew I had to change my ways, bridle my tongue, forgive, ask for forgiveness too and forget. It was going to be a new beginning and it felt good.
Beloved, why am I writing this very personal event down for you to read you ask? Well, here are 3 things I want you to take to heart;
1. You may never discover some hidden sins in your life except they are exposed. Some things are hidden within us, and until we have that kind of relationship with God, that permits Him to speak and bring to light that which is hidden, we may be serving God’s people but we ourselves are lost.
2. Do not be in a hurry to serve God, to work for God. Do not hurry to be a pastor or occupy whatever position in the church. Do not be in a hurry to be the next worship leader/gospel singer. Instead ask God to hurriedly reveal those bad habits, those sins that may be stopping Him from using you in a mighty way. The word says work out your salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you to will and to act on behalf of His good pleasure (Philippians 2:12-13). There is no point in serving as a pastor, worship leader or whatever from the realm of the flesh which does not be any (good) fruit for the kingdom. It’s just a waste of time, energy and resources.
3. Sometimes the most beautiful clay pot is the one that has been broken and mended with pieces of different colours. Be willing to be in the place of brokenness, where God pieces you with His word. Until you are broken, until you go through the fire, your true self, will never be revealed for the glory of God. There is someone within you, there is a diamond within you that needs to be refined and then brought to the light to shine so that people will see you and follow Christ your saviour.
Be blessed, my beloved.